Halo
by I Slay Darkness With Belief
Summary: He tried to put his wall together. But they would restrain. They didn't want to come together, to hide all he's messed up. They didn't want to help him up. He's tried everything. He ignored her for days on end- But nothing works. He loves her.


**I don't own this. Also, I'm shocked at the lack of Jara fics out there right now... so I wrote this. I'll be updating both of my running stories... tomorrow. Think of it as a present for being away for so long. School... you know. But I'm doing my work, reluctantly, no matter how tempting this website is. So here you go! I hope you like it! Review!**

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><p><em>~Remember those walls I built? Well baby they tumblin' down.~<em>

Who knew Jerome Clarke would be sitting here like this? In this position- actually thinking. Deeply thinking. His eyes were closed, afraid that if they would open, it would all become _real_. Jerome Clarke would actually be... oh, he'd be in such a horrid position. He'd be in love. And he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't be in love. Not again. Not after...

Who knew Jerome Clarke could be in love? Who knew he's been in this position before? Before he's crumbled. He's been ripped apart. Torn from humanity. Into whatever he is now. The type of _monster_. Whatever he thought he was- to whatever he had become.

Who knew Jerome Clarke was human before? Before everything was shaken. All he loved- gone. All he wanted- gone. All he had his heart set upon- _gone_. Whatever he was, was what he had _become_. His _parents_, his _friends_, his _best_ friend. _They_ did this to him.

Who knew Jerome Clarke had feelings? The itch of what his words did to people. All part of some _act_. All part of what he did to _save _himself from everything he might have had to _endure._ All he's endured was worth two lifetimes.

Who knew Jerome Clarke would be sitting here like this. Thinking _deeply_ about his guard that had fallen. That spark of a smile- loss of breath- twinkle in his eye- when he thought of _her_. She's done it to him. She tore him down with a hug, or a wink, or a smile, or a combination of them. She broke him. And she didn't even mean to- she's not interested.

Who knew Jerome Clarke would _care_.

_~And didn't even put up a fight. They didn't even make a sound.~_

He didn't want to do it. All was done against any kind of will that he could summon up. He was _pushed_, _forced,_ she _did_ this to him. She's made him fall... She did this to him, despite his constant struggle against it. He would remind himself:

She has a boyfriend.

He's always seeing them kiss. He would summon up what courage he has left with her to make a sarcastic comment. He would appear as heartless as he possibly could. He would try to repair the wall he's built, but the pieces always turn to dust. And all he ever wants to do is cry.

Clarke's don't cry.

Whatever the hell she's doing is going to be the death of him. She's going to tear him apart with her smile. That sweet little thing she has going. Whatever she did- that hypnotism spell- that scary pain in the heart she gave him. Whatever it was- she would be the frigging death of him.

He tried to put his wall together. But they would restrain. They didn't want to come together, to hide all he's messed up. They didn't want to help him up. Whatever he did. He's tried everything. He ignored her for days on end-

But nothing _worked_.

His thoughts always drifted to her, and everything would come crashing down.

He loves her.

_~I found a way to let you in. But I never really had a doubt.~_

He- for some reason- loves her. He loves her more than life itself sometimes. He'd do anything for her. He hates to admit it- but he loves her.

Jerome Clarke could fall in love with anyone. Anyone could come along and catch his eye. Use their good looks and charm to win that cocky grin over.

Mara Jaffray however- she used her freaking chisel. And she broke him open. She broke open the cement plastered around his heart. The cement that kept him _safe_. The heart that he could barely feel beating until _she_ came along. The chisel that might as well have been cupids freaking arrow.

One way or another, she weaved into him. Through his heart, that his hand could feel beating through his rib cage and the cotton of his black muscle shirt.

For some reason, he'd let her inside. Sure he'd fought, but he could have won the battle if he'd actually _wanted_ it.

_~Standin' in the light of your halo, I've got my angel now.~_

He'd been sitting on his bed. In his house, or rather- his parent's house. He hadn't left his room- not once. Not _one. Freaking. Time_. Not one time did his parents come to check on him- see if he wanted supper. See if he was dead or not. Not like they cared. They would rather pay for a personal attendant in his room than go and see him.

They didn't care at all.

He was just a burden. Another mouth to feed, another body to manage, another person to spend their money on. As if he wasn't worth having. As if they wanted to put him up for adoption- but that was too much paperwork to go through, and that would involve too many lawyers and too much money to spend.

He'd never added up. He's never been up to their _stupid _standards. His name- Jerome- "sacred". Yeah freaking right. If hes got one blemish in his gene pool, he's not worth having. He's never been sacred. He's never been worth it.

But while sitting on his bed, thinking about how freaking _messed up_ his life is, and how _perfect _and _beautiful_ and _amazing_ and _understanding_ Mara Jaffray is, he couldn't help but wonder what she's doing.

So at midnight on a warm summer night, he took his crumpled, strangely motivated self out of bed, and picked up the phone.

_~It's like I've been awakened. Every rule I had you breakin'~_

Three rings.

Three _long _rings.

And he sat and thought through each ring. Thought about how beautiful she is. Wondered how long it'd take until she can reach the phone. Thought about her hair and her smile. Thought about how his parents would probably smack him for being up at 4 AM- let alone being up at 4 AM, calling some girl. But the thing is- she _isn't_ just some girl. She's Mara.

She's Mara.

Everything's different with her. She changes all of his morals. Everything he wants. Everything he needs. Everything he has- it's hers. He can't _help_ but think about it.

His personal attendant was sitting in his chair, sleeping and facing the door. Through the hustle and bustle of everything, the loud three rings, he hadn't stirred. Not one bit.

His parents didn't even care enough to get a _good_ attendant. And it only made his glare towards the window freeze with an intense hatred.

Until Mara picked up, of course.

"Jerome? It's 4 o'clock in the morning!" And he smiled.

_~It's the risk that I'm takin', I ain't ever gonna shut you out.~_

"Hi Mara." She recognized his number. And that's all he could ever ask for. When he called his mother at the end of the year to come home with them (reluctantly), she hadn't even known it was him until he _told_ her. But Mara... she remembered.

"Jerome, are you okay?" There she goes again, caring about him.

"Can I come over?" He hadn't taken a breath. It was all out, thinking about her, talking to her. It was painful, not being able to see the expression on her face.

"What? Uh... it's 4 o'clock! I have a swimming meet tomorrow morning. Or rather _this_ morning. And well, I'm not exactly _on_ the team, I'm the manager, but I still need to _be _there. And why am I telling you this?" He smiled at the thought of her expression, but he made no attempt at a response. He just needed to see her. He couldn't wait another month before school let in. "... Yeah, Jerome. Come on over. Meet me outside the gate, I'll tell my mum and dad that I'm going out for a morning run. Okay?"

He could hear her sigh on the other end of the call. And he was at a loss for breath. Before hanging up to breathe, he made a quick response that made his heart shudder. "See you there, Love."

"Goodbye Jerome."

"Good morning Mara." And the weird thing was, he didn't _want_ to hang up. He wanted to stay on that call forever, spend his parent's money, talk to Mara for all eternity. When he hung up, the cocky grin of his remained, unable to still. His face was stiff in a smile, and he just had to sit and take a breather.

He looked around his room, thinking of something decent to put on, instead of sitting around in his boxers and muscle shirt. Though he had to admit, he looked _kinda_ amazing just wearing that. But you know, Mara would probably yell at him. So he put on jeans, not disturbing the attendant. Not forgetting his mobile or his jacket. And he climbed out the window and onto the roof.

He jumped off his roof to the safe landing of his mother's garden. He wondered for a moment, just how she could do this to him.

Mara had only lived a neighborhood away. They were all in the "rich-kids" part of town. Of course, there were several different neighborhoods. The lawyers who had millions of dollars without lifting a finger- that's where Jerome lived. The doctors. Then there's the people who make so-called "important gadgets". And the people who are famous for tossing a frigging ball around, or maybe giving a "review" on how _amazing_ some people could toss that stupid freaking ball around. That's where Mara lived. Of course, she's been to his house before.

His parents _love_ her.

They _love_ her.

That's more than he could say about how they feel about him. In reality, while they seem like the perfect parents- trillions of dollars in their pocket as loose change, butlers and nannys and personal attendants and freaking robots. Because they actually _could_. Because they _had _the money. Why save it up? When everything you could ever possibly want is right in front of you. Right there for you to choose from.

Jerome grew a scowl and dug his bare heel into one of his mother's lilacs, as if to support his hatred.

A lot of teenagers _say_ that they hate their parents. And then- in these neighborhoods- they would buy them a fancy new gadget or give them a hug and they would express their love for them. But Jerome _does_ hate his parents. He hates them about as much as he hates Mick. Or more- which is saying quite a lot.

But the hatred he feels- is never verbal. He's said he couldn't care less about his parents, he's said that he wouldn't mind seeing them blow to bits. He's said all of that. He knows they don't care about him. They never yield to express their feelings toward him. They never want to volunteer, or see him unless it's _absolutely_ necessary.

All the hatred he's felt- he's never said it out loud.

Before he knew it, he was feeling the beautifully paved roads, boiling from the sun, under his feet. He didn't mind the pain. He _liked_ the pain. It marked the pain that he felt when he thought about his parents. It marked the pain that he felt when Mara's _stupid_ boyfriend. And it made him run faster.

He reached her neighborhood after a short while. He could tell that he had arrived, not because of the multiple famous last names in huge mailboxes (probably filled with fan-letters), but because of the amount of idiotic runners out for their "4 AM jog" with their protein shakes and bottles of "Smart Water". He, of course, was the only person who would dare to be barefoot with the heat of the sun beaming on the roads so early. And he didn't. Freaking. Care.

He reached the cul-de-sac that he's visited once or twice to visit Mara. And he laid down on her bench, taking a few deep breaths.

"Jerome?"

_~Everywhere I'm lookin' now, I'm surrounded by your embrace.~_

Jerome looked up lazily at her, who was standing there in a jogging uniform and running shoes with her hair in a high pony-tail. "Oh, hey Mara." He was still taking deep breaths- but more based on the close proximity between Mara and himself than anything.

"_Oh, hey Mara_?" She asked him in disbelief. "That's what you woke me up at 4 o'clock in the morning to say?"

Jerome rolled his eyes, "Of course not, Mara. Sometimes I'm flabbergasted by your ignorance..." He flashed another grin before sitting up, making room for Mara to sit. "It's about my parents..."

_~Baby I can see your halo, you know you're my saving grace.~_

She quickly took the seat and set her hand on his shoulder. Of course, she hadn't known that all he wanted to do was hear her voice. He _was_ concerned about his parents, however. "Oh Jerome, I'm sorry... Lets take a walk to Starbucks, what do you say? You can talk about it on the way over there. Okay?"

Why was she always know exactly what to say?

It amazed him how he kept his own composure in tact, able to be cocky and wise-ass and sentimental and everything in between, all at once. And it amazed him an equal amount how she always seemed to know what to say to make him feel like a God.

"Sure, okay." He hated coffee, but he'd just sit an talk to her for hours. His parents wouldn't notice, for sure. And that just made him want to spill his freaking guts out.

"So what's wrong, Jerome?" Mara asked, walking slowly for the blonde next to her.

"They don't care." He looked down at his feet, counting the number of steps he made in his mind.

_Seven, eight..._

"Yes they do! Oh come on, Jerome. I've met them. They love me!" He could only roll his eyes in disgust.

_Ten, eleven..._

"Well no frig, they love you Mara! You're freaking perfect!" She blushed and his glare froze over.

_Fourteen, fifteen..._

"Jerome... I am _not_ perfect. In any sense of the word! In what world am I perfect?" Modest, modest Mara.

They both stopped walking for a moment to lean against a white picket fence. He was still looking down, tracing the cracks in the sidewalk with his eyes. He refused to look back up at her. He refused to let his guard crumble beyond repair. He couldn't let it happen- and yet it had. Upon instinct, he looked up into the light of her halo.

_~You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face.~_

"What _world_? Want a list, Mara?" His scowl was sarcastic and angry, and he had this sudden desire to punch something. When she just looked at him in disbelief, he counted on his fingers. "My parents' world. Your parents' world. Mick's parents' world. _Mick's _world_. _Patricia's. Amber's. Every freaking teacher in the country's. Every school in the world's. And mine. That's ten right there, Mara. You're _perfect_."

She just stood in shock at his outburst. They just stood for who knows how long until he ran his fingers through his golden hair in defeat. He sat on a cold bench armrest. She walked up to face him and crossed her arms as if to prove his upset she was at him.

"Jerome. How the hell could anybody possibly perceive my life as perfect? Because it's beyond me, I'll tell you that." Her lips scrunched up in anger and she waited.

Jerome stood up, shaking his head and faking a cold laugh, "Mara. You get astounding grades. Your family loves you. You're beautiful. You have a boyfriend that- despite his insane case of meat-headedness- loves you-"

"Are you kidding me? Mick doesn't love me. He never loved me. He loved my parents. He loved Amber. Do you know what it's _like_, to find out that your significant other only liked you because of your _parents_?" A tear or two streamed down her face, but she tried her best to hold everything together- especially because it was falling apart before her.

"Um. No? In case you haven't noticed, no girl would ever put up with me,_ especially _because of my parents. In case you haven't _noticed_, Mara- my parents suck. In case you haven't noticed, nobody likes me. In case you haven't noticed, because of the fact that you're perfect, everyone likes you. They have to be freaking dumb-asses _not _to like you."

"Well what about Mick, huh? What about him?" She was getting angrier with each word she spat into his face.

"I told you, Mara. He's a _dumb. Ass._" Mara just shook her head violently.

"No! No, he's not! You don't know anything, Jerome, not a damn thing!" She was crying now, creating a scene on a British sidewalk. She would have turned around and walked back home if he hadn't caught her arm.

"You're right."

"Excuse me?"

"You're right, Mara. I don't know a _damn_ thing."

He wasn't yelling at her anymore, and she wasn't screaming in his face. Her tears had slowed to a safe stop. She wanted so badly to tell him off and to go home. But she knew she couldn't do that to him. He's so freaking insecure- when he doesn't _have_ to be.

_~Baby I can feel your halo. Pray it won't fade away.~_

"Jerome... You know that's not what I meant." She pleaded with him while he just scoffed, his nostrils flaring.

"No Mara. You've got it right on point. I don't know _anything_. Of course I don't. My teachers think so, my parents think so, my friends, family, everyone I've met. And _you_."

_~Hit me like a ray of sun, burning through the darkest night.~_

"Woah, woah, woah. I never said that! I mean, I did say it, but I didn't mean it like that! Come on, Jerome! Haven't you ever said the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time... in the wrong situation, and it's all... wrong?" She stumbled, searching for words. He eyed her for a moment, sharing a safe silence.

"Every day." Jerome sighed, starting to walk again. "Just forget it, let's just go get coffee..." and they walked to the coffee joint. It was absolutely silent, except for the sports cars buzzing past them, and the birds and the wind and the environment and everything. But Mara was silent. And Jerome _hated _it. He hated silence.

Every few moments of walking, he would look over to her, and she'd be looking ahead with her lips pursed every time. Her blank stare was what killed him on the inside. It absolutely killed him to be this close to her, and not have the ability to make her happy. She was just stuck there all upset, and he wanted it all to go away.

He wanted to flash a smile.

Throw a grin.

Crack a joke.

Do _something_ that would rid him of this pain.

He hates it when she's sad.

So every time he looked over he'd just sit and look at her for a moment, taking in her expression. The way she calmed down in the silence through every step she took. And it was appalling. Because sitting in the silence made him more and more uneasy, and she shone through. It was just amazing.

_~You're the only one that I want, and I'm addicted to your light.~_

He didn't know that they had arrived when they did. He was still hypnotized by her. He still hated the effect that she had on him. He hates it, so so so much. It's worth it, though, he thinks. Being able to just look at her. It's addicting. And it wasn't freaking fair.

They walked into the little shoppe, not really paying attention to their surroundings. At least, Jerome was still fixated on her. She was still staring straight ahead, pretending not to see him smiling out of the corner of his eye. A few droplets splashed at the back of their heels, indicating that the small early-morning downpour that had been predicted was actually truth.

The darkness covered the sky, streaming over every inch so slowly that they hadn't noticed until the cashier sighed, "Look at that... seems like the weatherman was right. Rain." He rolled his eyes, taking each customer with a fake smile.

When they approached the counter, they heard the worker grumble something that sounded like, "Stupid rain. My bike's gonna rust. The boss is too damn cheap to invest in a freaking parking garage or maybe a tent..." And when he noticed the pair at the head of his station, he faked another smile.

"Um, I think I'll have-" And Jerome didn't think to care about the rest. He didn't care to _think_ about the rest. I was just drifting off into her again. "Jerome? Jerome? What do you want to have. You're the one who suggested this joint..."

She snapped him out of his little daydream world. "Yeah, coffee or something." And he looked around uneasily for an escape. She rolled her eyes and ordered it black with something like _disgust_ lingering on her face.

When they got Jerome's black coffee and Mara's caramel latte from the cranky cashier, they immediately went outside. Though it was raining, it's what they needed to cool down. They could barely stand not speaking to each other. The sound of every little splash on the sidewalk was embedded in their mind, creating a type of environment that resembled something like peace, but not quite.

It was just quiet.

_~I swore I'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like fallin'~_

They were halfway back to her house when he finally spoke up. He looked up from his bare feet and turned to face her. She looked up at him in anticipation. He was at a loss for words for a moment. But she way paying attention, her head cocked up to face him and her wet hair slicked back from the rain.

He stumbled for a moment, gathering courage. "... Mara Jaffray.." She nodded in anticipation. "... I love you..." Her eyes widened like tectonic plates and she didn't know what to say. Maybe she thought he wasn't talking to her, or that he was practicing for Patricia or Nina or someone else, or that he mis-pronounced hate. but that was the last thing she expected to hear out of the man who loves nothing.

"I love the way you smile and the way you care. The way you get caught up in the moment, sometimes. The way you chuckle when you get nervous, and the way you find the good in everyone. The way you get competitive and the way you get lost in some things. I love the way you stutter and the way you move your hands around to demonstrate things. I love you, Mara Jaffray. And I have no idea why I'm telling you. I just do."

"I... don't know what to say, Jerome..."

"I'm an idiot..." He started to walk down the sidewalk with bare feet and listened to the splashing of her soaked running shoes sticking to the pavement behind him.

"Jerome, I never said that. It was just... out of the blue. I don't even know." When he continued to ignore her and walk forward, she spoke again, spinning him around by the shoulder. "Jerome we need to talk about this."

"Talk about what Mara? I have no idea what you're talking about. But I must get home. Bye, love."

"Jerome, don't you dare walk away from me. Jerome, I... we need to talk about this. I need to think about this. I don't know what just happened! You just said _you love me_, Jerome. I need to figure this out. I'm not fooling around. I don't know how I feel, Jerome. I feel like my stomach is in knots and I can't see and I have an incredible headache but I couldn't care less because I feel _amazing_. There's a part of me that doesn't know what the hell I'm feeling, and then there's a part of me that wants to scream out that _I love you, Jerome_."

He spins around, while she had stopped ages ago. In some sort of head, she whispered it to herself again. Just t accept the fact that she just said something that might have sounded like "I love you". But no, she couldn't have said that. She can't love him.

It's not because she doesn't want to, or anything.

It's not because the thought of it is weird.

One could think that it was almost like they've been in love for a long time. Almost like they're like an old married couple. Almost like they're been together forever. Like you don't even need to say it out loud, it was just known, in a way. Hearing it made it so completely real, and it filled her with something. Joy? Happiness? Excitement?

A kindling passion, and she didn't know what it was.

_~Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again.~_

It was like she was floating, it was like he was too. It was like they were both twirling around something and she loved the feeling. They were dizzy with the passion and dizzy with love and dizzy with _fear_.

"I love you." She whispered it again, and she didn't know what to do, so his sudden burst of confidence was taken advantage of. He went up to her, took her face in his hands and he pressed his lips to hers. Once he knew she was kissing back, he ran his hands down her arms and clutched her waist for dear life. She snaked her way up to his shoulders and she smiled into him.

He pulled back and smirked. "We're here."

She turned around, and they were right in front of her house. When she turned back, he was walking away. And it dawned on her.

She just got kissed in the rain by someone who loves her. She's never felt happier.

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><p><strong>Gah, I don't like the ending. But I never do. Tell me how you like it! Thanks guys!<strong>

**I have vertigo, and I'm feeling really sick. Purty please review and tell me how you think. I've been working on this forever, and I kinda want to know your opinions :D**


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